To the Grad Student Instructor who Refuses to Make Eye Contact After I Walked into Lecture Late with a Latte and Let the Door Slam:

Darling, I am nothing. I haven't stopped thinking about you.
I wouldn't care if you were less obvious about it. I want to assure you that you are wasting your time. You figured out, I think, that we share a field of study, but don't stress: I have no career to jeopardize with the threat of your bad favor. I could post it to craigslist missed connections if I thought you liked that kind of thing. It would go

You: a young PhD student with an eight-year history of activism and a pant suit for every day of the week. Going places.
Me: academically insignificant. Apathetic to opportunities for networking. Had an internship and quit it. Took a course with Trinh T. Minh-ha and didn't get it. Will probably be a Y camp counselor forever.
The night after our first meeting, I thanked you for your well-facilitated panel. You declined to respond verbally and nodded me toward the speaker to your right. Am I crazy? Want to never look at each other again? That's the vibe I got.

As you can see, I am not going to apologize. I maintain that it would have been more rude to go without caffeination fall asleep. Although, the door thing was probably distracting. Could have done better there. But Beautiful, we can only look forward. Perhaps into complete oblivion. Let me fade away there in peace.